Why i hate writing my diss

Because writing the dissertation is turning me into more and more of a stranger withdrawn from many things. It was far better when I was doing fieldwork. At least then I was a stranger among people and things, everyday I learned something new, and by the end of it I was less of a stranger. Now I am a stranger again, and it worsens everyday.

Because it makes me feel like my world has shrunken to a pressure chamber the space of a desk, filled with thousands of pages of pulp piled up on top of each other.

Because it causes me so much anxiety that anything else is better, even babysitting my daughter's tamagochi.

Because it doesn't feel real anymore.

Because it's worst than the Roman Catholic Church. I can't go anywhere or do anything without having guilty thoughts about it.

Because when people ask me about it I make involuntary, incoherent noises, and I don't mean that as a metaphor for academic jargon.

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Good mother, good academic?

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Now/here no/where woman

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