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Polluter Pays

A friend who is grooming himself for a political career as Future Benevolent Dictator has this brilliant solution for smoke-belching. When he assumes power, no more fines for smoke belchers. Expensive engine overhauls or conversions to biogas or liquid petroleum gas will never, ever be mandatory. Instead, his Anti-Smoke Belching Patrols will be equipped with duct tape and long, cheap plastic tubes. Every apprehended smoke-belcher will be required, on-the-spot, by the ASBP to attach one end of the tube to the offending car's exhaust pipe, and the other end will be fed into the driver's window. Permanently. This will apply to everybody, regardless of whether you drive a jeepney or a giant, expensive, gas-guzzling, space-consuming SUV with the aircon perpetually on. Well then, all the better!

I like this idea. Here are other ways the Polluter Pays Principle can be applied.

People who burn plastic and rubber in their backyards will be visited by the Anti-Trash Burning Patrol with their portable incinerators and chimneys made cheaply from Baguio Oil cans. The offenders will be required to transfer their poisonous little bonfires into the portable incinerator, which will then be positioned by the ATBP in such a way that the chimney spews the fumes into the offenders' living room. Oh, did I mention that the ATBP also works with duct tape? All windows and doors will be sealed. Offenders will be required to sit in the living room until all their trash is burned.

People who wear over-powering perfumes will be required to swab their pulse points with wet tissues soaked in cat musk. It will have the same over-all effect anyway, and it's all-natural.

As for the United States of America... Don't get me started!


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